Wild

August 6, or Day 73 as some of you may recognize, was a day that thoroughly stuck out for me. It wasn’t necessarily because of the terrain, the wonderful conversation, or even just a general sense of happiness that overcame me nearly every single day. It was a minute in time that I reflect back on. It was a minute of someone else’s sheer joy that stuck out.

I remember a lot from that day, but nothing as vivid as Kate finding the Pacific Crest Trail marker on the road to Cassel, CA. The reaction she had seemed completely random. It seemed unwarranted. I didn’t get it. However, she began to explain that her favorite book “Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail” by Cheryl Strayed was all about a woman’s crazy solo hike that crossed 1,100 miles of land from the Mojave Desert all the way up to the Bridge of the Gods. Where we stood in that precise moment was where Cheryl had stood just a few years before in one of her most trying moments.

Kate’s personality is a very uplifting one. Rarely does she frown. Only 2 times in one of the most challenging summers of my life, both physically and emotionally, did I see her cry. She always smiles. She always laughs. She makes people feel good about themselves. To see such a wonderful person moved so greatly by what seemed to me to be so insignificant left a great impression.

After my heart was torn into 30 pieces and quite literally flown all over the world I have seen myself searching for a way to find myself again. I often think that this summer was what I was meant to do. Destined to do. It seems like my time now is to be spent finding ways to recreate it, even though I know that to be impossible, even if I were to do Bike and Build all over again. I need to challenge myself, but not in normal ways. Of course I can challenge myself to find a job, but everyone does that. There’s a satisfaction to doing something that relatively few have done before you.

Swimming as a walk-on all 4 years at Arkansas felt like one of those massive accomplishments that cannot be repeated. My next would be Bike and Build. What would be the third? I’ve tried to continue my travels. I enjoy a lifestyle that doesn’t require me to stay in one place for a long period of time. I love living out of a bag. To unpack my bag after vacationing (or riding my bike across the country) feels like that chapter of my life is completely over. Unpacking is my least favorite thing to do in the world. It is simply depressing. That’s why I keep a packed bag in my car at all times. It gives me a false sense of hope that at any given moment I could leave and go see something new.

While I think of new great things to do I have to continue living my life. I have to complete those utterly mundane tasks like doing laundry, the dishes, or cooking dinner. I have to go to the bank and to the grocery store. I have to shop for things like baby showers and weddings, because now is the time of my life where I watch every one I know get married and have babies while I dream of doing things they could never do with an infant. These things aren’t all bad, especially, when they result in me spending hours in the book aisle in Target ( yes, hours, in one aisle, in Target…the selection isn’t huge, but I read nearly every single back cover looking for the perfect read) only to stumble upon “Wild”.

The dirty hiking boots with red laces laid upon a white background all of the sudden stood out from all the other books. I didn’t need to read the back. I just quietly put it in my cart and walked to the front of the store to check out. Once I owned the book I sent Kate a picture of my new purchase and told her how excited I was to read it and she expressed the same excitement for me. She said its what gave her the crazy idea to ride her bike across the country, which is exactly the book I need right now.

As I make it through this book I find my life parallels with Cheryl Strayed’s life in more ways than I’d like. I have found myself living this incredible adventure along with her. I feel her pain, her joys, her desperation. However, the part that has shaken me to my core the most is not the 3 times I cried in the first 150 pages ( I’ve only cried from reading one other book and it happened on the last page), but it was her experience of hiking In the Cassel, CA area.

My memories are so vividly beautiful and happy. I remember the heat and need for water, but it was a walk through a water park compared to Spearman, TX. Cheryl admits her stupidity in carrying minimal water. She admits she quite possibly could have died out there. She could have lost her life and her battle with the PCT in one of the corners of the country I have found to be my absolute favorites. The Cassel community along with the breathtaking beauty of the area is unmatched. The next day we rode up and over Lassen Peak, which is the single most beautiful place on Earth…next to the summit of Independence Pass. It seems so impossible that anyone could have such a vastly different experience than I in a place I came to love so much in such a short amount of time.

As I read on throughout the book I find myself thinking this is something I could do. Give me a pair of hiking boots and a tent and let me at it. I’ve trekked from the east coast to the west coast on my own volition, why not do the same thing from the southern border to the northern? It sounds crazy. It sounds dangerous. It sounds like exactly what I need.

Or maybe I’ll just go ride the Chris Webber Memorial ride with other Bike & Build alumni this holiday season and hope that one day I’ll gather the guts I need to go do something completely Wild.

Photo Cred: Andrew Lassiter